Empowerment Through Labor, The Secret Place of Natural Childbirth

- By Jennifer Cook-DeRosa

The focus of birth for women during pregnancy is to push the baby from "point A" to "point B". We learn and practice breathing, pushing, and laboring positions to help bring out the baby. The controversy around these practices causes flames between midwife and doctor. The actual methods for handling labor are so territorial that the idea of midwives and doctors uniting for the good of birthing women is almost comical. So what is the big deal about? From my experiences, it is almost like a secret that only a few women know about. The secret is that labor is so absolutely wonderful, powerful and profound. Some women actually enjoy labor. It is almost as if here is a magical place that a woman can visit when she births her baby naturally. I use the term secret place as my only explanation about the state of your mind when you experience the euphoria of a natural birth.

When I birthed my first son, I didn't get to visit that place. My experiences with my first labor were excruciatingly painful and lasted longer than I could handle. I felt like a trapped animal and needed to escape. I could not get though the last few hours without the aid of Demerol. The use of the drug altered my state of mind so much, that much of my labor is etched into the dark corners of my being. I kept thinking that if I could only get "another" dose, maybe the baby would quit kicking me. I needed it all to stop. I often have flashbacks about that nightmarish event. It gives me shivers when I think about how hateful my experience was. How I hated my baby, and hated my dilating cervix. I hated the pain.
So many women experience this type of birth. Their only comfort, or explanation, is that they birthed a healthy baby.

My first homebirth gave me an entirely different perspective on birth. It was probably not the single factor that I gave birth in my own home. It was the complete love and support of women and mothers (midwives) who cheered me into bliss. Women who knew how labor could be, and encouraged me to experience it fully. To be with me. Not to apologize for my pain, but holding my hand as I endured it. Looking into my eyes knowingly, and reminding me that it would be worth it.
Reminding me that pain is normal, and is not a reason to give up. It was as if I were allowed to visit that secret place. A place where no male doctor has ever been, a place where most women do not believe exists, and a place that most will fight tooth and nail to deny it's existence. Many women know better.

Although I cannot explain what "it" is that makes birth experiences so special, so spiritual. I can unequivocally say that birth is so absolutely empowering, that it is exactly as it is meant to be.

I do believe that the way we birth our babies shapes our lives.

Consider that even in an age of technology, scientists still do not have the ability to create life without an egg or sperm.

Consider how amazing it is that our bundles of cells know how to grow fingers, and a brain.
Consider that birth is meant to be amazing. Consider that pain is meant to exist, and that it magnifies our pleasure.
Consider that the human race depends on women enjoying
birth.

The experience of my homebirth was so powerful that it alone compels me to have more children. I wonder why so many women don't feel the way I do about their experiences? I understand that it is first because they have never been told of this secret place. Of those who have been told, they are ultimately skeptical. The most skeptical are the ones who have birthed, but not experienced the pleasure of birth. The use of an epidural not only eliminates pain, but eliminates pleasure. Unfortunately, many women experience the pain of labor, have it removed with the epidural during their labor, and their labor is remembered only as pain and the removal of pain.

What is my secret about pain management in labor while I birthed a 12-pound baby boy? I liked it. I actually liked giving birth to my baby. I liked that this experience was so absolutely special. It is hard for women to say, because enjoying our birth somehow declares to the world that we didn't experience any pain. We certainly won't deny the existence of real pain that tests our tolerance. How can we identify the biggest reward of our birth as how we coped with pain? Pain seems to define our birth experience. To me, this is so unfortunate and only true of women who have not been to the secret place. The women whose experience was cut short by the intervention of drugs, surgery or a fumble into an emergency. May I propose that pain management be not what labor is about? Any woman who has seen the secret place I speak of will affirm its existence to you, and will describe it as empowering. No one can prove that such a place exists, but thank the women who believe in joyous birth, and drag us there to experience it.